As we find ourselves inching towards the end of the year I find myself both excited and yet sullen. I look back at the last year as a complete whirlwind. Where did it go, what do I have to show for it? And as I look forward to the next year with eager enthusiasm I find myself going how can I make it more memorable, exciting and dream worthy? 

I am not one to set resolutions as I find them exhausting and inevitably am disappointed in myself when I don’t reach the goals. Instead I thought maybe this year I should try finding a Word of the Year. The idea is quite simple you choose a word to guide you through the year and assist you in making choices. This idea really spoke to me and I began to explore potential words; such as, Magic, Luminous, Shine. As much as I was drawn to those words they didn’t quite seem to fit. So after exploring some reasons as to why resolutions don’t stick for most people I came across an interesting observation. People are not necessarily interested in a heiving the goal so much as feeling the emotion they attach to the goal. 

So, now I asked myself what do I want feel in this upcoming year? Well, that was surprisingly easy to answer I want to feel secure, happy, confident, and stable. So, once I knew what my motivating emotions were I looked to find a word to capture those feelings as well  as looking back over this last year to see why I didn’t experience those emotions consistently. 

To my surprise I realized that the wavering of those emotions came from not feeling secure confident and happy with myself. Now I don’t dislike myself or anything or think I am a bad person or anything like that but I do find myself living out labels given by others or dependent on others:  mother, girlfriend, disabled. But who am I without these labels? What do I really stand for (and conversely what do I fall for)? What are my interests, hobbies and dreams for myself? Since I want to answer these questions and more throughout the year I have chosen the word Discover.  This is the year to discover me something I am excited and scared to do which tells me this is the perfect word. 

Do you set resolutions? Have you tried to live by a word? On my next post I will brainstorm some ways to live out this word during 2019. 

Til next time, 

Mary